What “The Grand Tour” needs is The Wild Racing Champion


The idea of The Stig is genius but it has one, almost unnoticeable, flaw.

The Stig is a tame racing driver (TM?).

Wait for a moment … tame?! Oh, come on. Just tell me, how being a tame can make a masked driver different from all the contemporary sportsmen.

The “Where Did It All Go Wrong Mr Best?” stories became rarer and rarer. Especially, do you know a driver who would be called “a modern James Hunt”?

Surroundings of racing also changed a lot. It’s forbidden to advertise cigarettes. It’s very difficult to advertise alcohol. Okay, smoking is unhealthy and you really should not drive under influence. But nobody forces you to buy and use things just because they are advertised. Rallies in the Group B era were full of tobacco and alcohol logos. Nowadays, health is promoted or actually … do you think that drinking some vermouth from time to time harms you more than using energy drinks on regular basis?

Moreover, rally and racing drivers are requested or even required to participate in FIA campaigns for road safety. While it’s really ok to convince people that they should hold the steering wheel properly and fasten their seatbelts, we also see the fastest drivers on Earth advocating current speed limits. While, in fact, they should advise road authorities on how to find the balance between speed and safety.

So, I would like “The Grand Tour” to use a character, who is going to be found in Argentinian jungle (because of his origin, he may be a little agressive towards his colleagues). The character can be named “Wild Racing Champion”. I use the word “racing” on purpose. Some years ago, it was more popular among drivers, to participate both in track races and rallies. So, the abbreviation “WRC” means, that our character doesn’t mind driving on gravel much more often than The Stig, while the word “racing” is a sign, that he is also a blast on the track.

Well, he can maintain traction as if he used a special glue, despite having gluten, glucose and cholesterol in his blood. Referencing the B Group era, full of alcohol and cigarette advertisement, he wears a racing suit with statements like “I love Coffee and Cigarettes” written on it. Asked to answer why, he will say, that the statement actually refers to Jim Jarmusch’s movie.

Yes, the Wild Racing Champion is able to speak. His PR Manager left his job after being compared to Oedipus the King. To put it simply, the poor PR manager has been called “a motherf…”.

After revealing that, I must finish my description of the Wild Racing Champion, as I have been bitten by some racer.

Now, I am going to a local karting track, hoping that the racer was radioactive.

(C) by Andrzej Szczodrak